Breaking bread with Madonna, A-Rod

Briser le pain avec Madonna, A-Rod.


BY MICHAEL ROSENBERG • FREE PRESS COLUMNIST • July 28, 2008

"A high-ranking Kabbalah source said Madonna, A-Rod and (their manager Guy) Oseary have shared Friday night Sabbath dinners together."

-- New York Post
"Let's say the blessing over the wine ... oh, Alexander. Bubbeleh. Why the long face?"
"I went 0-for-5 today, Maddie. Three strikeouts."
"We all have bad days, Alexander."
"I know. And this I can handle. But Jeter also went 0-for-5, and the crowd, they cheered him like he just led us out of Egypt."
"Is Jeter the problem?"
"No, Jeter is not the problem. I love Jeets. He is my brother. But sometimes, it is like he is Jacob and I am Esau. For one day, I would like to be Jacob."
"Just for a day."
"This is all I ask. I do not understand some of these fans. It is not just that I jacked 54 home runs last year. But I toil in the field for them. Why do they treat me like chopped liver? Do I look like chopped liver? Is this how I smell to you? Like chopped liver?"
"No, Alexander."
"I know I shouldn't let it bother me. My uncle once told me I should not worry so much about being loved. He said I was too in love with myself, and that vanity is a sin. Then I went to church to ask for forgiveness."
"Oy."
"This was before I became enlightened."
"I understand. I was not always enlightened myself. When I was a young ... when I was a younger woman, I made a fool of myself. Dancing. Flirting. Shaking my tush. And that's not the worst of it. One day I walked into a delicatessen and I realized I was shtupping every fella in the joint."
"You were young, Maddie."
"Young and stupid. Do you remember that video for 'Like a Prayer?' "
"As it happens, I watched it on YouTube this morning. Seventeen times. As it happens."
"Sometimes I ask myself, Alexander: 'What was I thinking? Why were my breasts hanging out of my brassiere like a pair of gigantic matzo balls?' "
"You were proud of them. And for good reason."
"I have many regrets. Not just the shtupping. There was that movie, 'Body of Evidence.' And that book about sex. And that time I kissed Britney Spears. Actually, I do not regret that so much. She was a looker, that Britney."
"She was. But she has not aged well. Not like you, Maddie."
"Thank you, Alexander. But enough about my neverending sex appeal. We were talking about you. You cannot let the strikeouts bother you.
You cannot let the fans bother you. Sometimes life hands you too much horseradish and not enough gefilte fish. But horseradish can be good. Especially with some matzo."
"Amen, Maddie. Amen."

Source: Detroit Free Press.